Today I had the first rehearsal for a piece I’m in in an upcoming dance show. I was really excited, I love the choreographer, and it’s an overall really fun piece. We were about 45 minutes into the rehearsal when I kept wondering why it was so difficult for me to pick up this choreography. I’m usually pretty good at picking it up quickly, especially when I like the piece. So I go and check my blood sugar. And I was (insert drum roll here) 45. Let me repeat. 45. And I had used up all my emergency low supplies. Luckily dancers are never short on food, so all I had to do was ask my friends and all of a sudden I had a pile of granola bars sitting in front of me. If I had gone 10 more minutes in rehearsal without checking myself I would have passed out. That’s terrifying.
What’s worst about this is the fact that it happened in the first rehearsal for this piece. I just wanted so badly to do well in it. But my body just decides to go ahead and say “fuck you Laney. you can’t dance and do what you love. nope.” It is so unbelievably frustrating. I just want to dance without going low. I’m so so so frustrated with my own body right now. This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. I’m supposed to love my body. Right now I just wish I could get out of it.
My blood sugar’s low (56) and it’s just not coming up and I feel like death. My symptoms are different than they usually are too. I feel more anxious and tired and scared for some reason. But who knows, that might not be the blood sugar. Ugh.
You have to stop feeling so sorry for yourself. Yes, you have a chronic illness. Yes, you have to deal with this 24/7. But by sitting there and feeling sorry for yourself you’re letting this disease take over your life. Just because you live with it 24/7 doesn’t mean it controls you. But if you sit there feeling sorry for yourself it will. Take control of your disease, take control of your life.
Most people forget that diabetes has two sides- too little insulin and we die, too much insulin and we die. To feel constantly surrounded by death has turned from fear into comfort, the longer I struggle with this disease.
I went from 9.1 to 10.0 - granted, I knew it was going to be higher. My blood sugars have been crap for the past few weeks. I just haven’t been bolusing. But I’m glad I had a doctors appointment today. As much as I dread going, they force me to get back on track with taking care of myself and set new goals.
My new goals:
bolusing for all carbs that I eat
wearing my cgm for at least every 1/6 weeks (at least, I’m going to try to wear it more)
I was about to fall asleep but now I’m up and about to walk downstairs to check my blood sugar because I didn’t before I went to bed. And I’m proud of myself for this. Because usually I would just go to sleep because I really like sleep. But I also really like being able to see and having legs and being moderately healthy so I think I’m going to check my blood sugar to make sure I keep on living.
So. As we all know I am quite horrible about checking my blood sugars when I’m supposed to. So for this week, I’m going to post my daily blood sugars in a picture. And if I haven’t checked myself at least 4 times I give you complete permission to yell at me via tumblr. This may be kind of stupid and annoying, but I think it’ll help me to check myself if I know that all of you people out there in the tumblr universe will be seeing my numbers for the day. I think knowing that there’s someone out there that’s seeing my blood sugars will really help me to not only check myself the right number of times per day, but also to correct my high’s and low’s in a timely fashion.
I love you my followers. And I need your help in this!
Hey you. Yeah you. Guess what? Even though your blood sugar wasn’t the number you wanted it to be you’re still worth it. You’re worth trying to get your diabetes under control. You’re worth trying to be okay. Because you are so completely valuable. And diabetes has no right to make you think that you’re not. You can do this.
that week and a half I did my smoothie cleanse my blood sugars were so beyond perfect. and now they’re absolutely horrible. i’m not even eating bad foods! I really don’t understand… and I have an appointment with my educator on monday too.. :( I need some good diabetes vibes sent my way asap please
This is what happens when you eat valentine’s day candy when you’ve run out of insulin. Not a smart idea kids. Not smart. It makes you feel like death. (Okay I didn’t realize I was out of insulin when I ate the candy, so don’t get too mad at me)